Worth the Risk

Last night, I went to my last club meeting. I'll admit, I didn't think I would end up quite as emotional as I was. As I stood in front of the women who have made my past three years of college such special ones (from pledging, to sing song, to formals, and late night movies), I was genuinely moved. Yes, these women have been my friends. We have had so much fun together. I can't count the number of times I've taken a walk around the Lunsford, eaten a Sharky's burrito, or watched Sing Song videos, performing all the moves, with women in Sigma Theta Chi.
But last night I realized.... the reason why my heart breaks at the thought of not being a part of this community anymore, is because of my vulnerability with these women.

I've always been a big believer in the holiness of vulnerability. When you think about it, God ordains many of the most significant parts of life to include vulnerability. Adam and Eve were naked, obviously inducing vulnerability, in the garden. Jesus was killed in a way that was humiliating and for common criminals... making him vulnerable. Saul was struck by blindness on the road, making him vulnerable.
Most of our most evident encounters with God's presence/plans are when our hearts are at their most tender places.

This is what makes relationship with others something that reflects God's goodness.
These women know me... some of them, honestly, know me better than I know myself. They know the tender parts of my heart, where very few have trod. They understand the scars of my pasts, the wounds of my present, and the fears of my future.

So our friendship with one another is holy. It's different. It's more than a five dollar pizza on a Friday night, or a pint of ice cream and a sappy movie. It's a vulnerable, honest, committed responsibility to another human being.

What a beautiful thought; that I believe in a God who would bring individuals into my life who would so accurately portray His love and devotion for me, it would floor me at times.

I want to learn to be a creator of this type of community. To generate authentic love and compassion for other individuals in very real and tangible ways.
This isn't easy. Being vulnerable HURTS. It takes work. It's embarrassing and brutal at times, and not everyone is ready for it. Because when someone knows the real you.... beyond the smiles and the hugs, the "I'm fine"s and the laughter... More often than not, hearts are aching. They are yearning for someone to know who they truly are, and what they truly feel. And it's risky. What if I'm rejected? What if they don't love me enough to forgive me for my inadequacies? What if they judge me?
And sometimes they do.

Again quoting the literary prowess of Dr. Suess: "Be who you are, and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

So I decide to be real. I decide to be vulnerable. I don't have to pretend that things always go the way that I want, or that my heart doesn't need to be taped back together sometimes.

If there's one thing that I've learned as a Siggie, it's this: Honest relationships trump all. Authentic lives... ones where we don't have to hide who we are, or our flaws that we are terrified for others to see.... is so worth the risk.