I apologize for the lapse in updates... I know that all of my devoted readers out there in blog-land are just beside themselves with frustration and disappointment. ;) Just kidding.
The past month or so has been a whirlwind. From getting my prospectus approved to going home for the holidays... weddings, presents, and too much tempting food for me to describe... it's been an amazing month or so. If you want to know the details, feel free to ask me about it. I'd be happy to tell you sometime.
Things should be pretty much getting back to normal over the course of the next week or so. School is about to start back up, and Abilene is coming back to life with the return of familiar faces and textbooks. I start back at Cooper tomorrow, which should be good, and life will, most likely, continue on as usual.
So there's my short and sweet life update. Now to the real reason why I blog.
My heart's been struck lately with the words in 1 Corinithians 13. The phrases are so familiar. I grew up in Sunday school. I learned what love meant from the time I could say the word. However, I can't shake this fixation on the beauty of what these verses say.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to the flames, but do not hve love, I gain nothing.
For love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
My heart longs to be a woman who lives these characteristics out. To be the kind of person who is a manifestation of God's love in a world that cries out for it.
And yet I find myself failing time and time again. I treat people disrepectfully. I look down on others. I judge and I complain and I neglect to see the beauty of what God has placed in my life.
I know that this verse is often applied to relationships... a husband and wife particularly. And while I will admit that I am so excited to hopefully find a person to share that kind of love with, I think that this verse can be applied to other things as well.
I want to live my life loving people this way. Granted, in no way is this easy. It's hard enough remembering to love my friends and family this way... let alone people who I don't necessarily know. It's easier to be patient and kind with people who I know and care about... when the condition of their hearts is of the utmost importance to me... than the guy tailgating me on the way to work or the client who refuses to be civil. In short, it's way easier to love those who love me back.
And there's the beauty of a God who is so much wiser than I am. Because He loves regardless. Because my insufficiencies are strengthed in His goodness. Because He loves in the purest form.
Loving is difficult. Vulnerability is one of the most terrifying and heart-wrenching feelings for a person... at least, this person. Fear of rejection... of brokenness... of humiliation. Most of the selfish things that we do as humans are often in attempts to hide vulnerability. And yet, in these short verses, He's asking us to be just that: vulnerable. To be willing to do all the things that the world tells us not to do: Come in 2nd place. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Care about others when they don't necessarily care about you. Forgive. Trust. Hope. Don't just be out for yourself. And don't give up on someone.
It's terrifying. We've all been burned by being vulnerable... whether that's in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even in the church, our broken hearts tend to lend themselves to wall-building. You know what I mean. We promise ourselves that we will do whatever it takes to avoid being hurt again. We build walls and shut people out. We neither receive unconditional love, nor give it freely. And because of this, we fail to live out what 1 Corinthians calls us to.
I want to be a person who loves over the course of this year. I want to overcome my fears and insecurities to love vulnerably... to give when it hurts, and when I'm scared, and even when I don't necessarily want to.
Just some thoughts.
Blessings on you and yours,
Amanda Christine
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